coming of age for the aged--bones and marrow

Robin and I spoke at length about this one evening, as we attempted to unfurl our own longing for the men to whom we feel close but are far away. She kept at one point which I'll mention here: you must feel like a bigger person when you are with someone, not deflated, not shrinking. If you were, it indicates a place of fear and an approaching nothingness, both for you and the other person. You must be able to bet on the strength of the other person to pull through, and this means playing to lose, as if you have nothing to lose.

To this I volleyed back: Once our relationships end and we are on the point of forgetting, of denying, oftentimes we bury not only who they are but who we were with them; we rob ourselves of the power of the gift of having been seen at the apex of our charm. He said, 'You have a million dollar smile.' And so, you smile at the kindness of the words, not at your own beauty, never at your own beauty, but at the beauty of his recognition. You say thank you and you glow. Thank you, you seem to say, for pausing. Just for pausing. Everything gets jumbled in the rapidity of our ignoring. But then,time passes and minds change, disappointments are swallowed, anger fights to melt and you say, none of it was ever real. You sing the mantra of the disillusioned. In this song lies the greater illusion. It was real. The touch exchanged, as Grotowski questioned, is not something you wipe off or wash; it landed and so there it lives. Our mistake is in the act of purging rather than absorbing the power of what was once a touch of kindness.

Fischer you asked: would you do it again? I answered: In a second.
My answer stays, as it once landed. In a second.